erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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