he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Me too!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
