Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
