absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
