i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
