I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
