at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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