he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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