porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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