his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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