I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
