Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I forget how to act sober
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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