You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
