bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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