How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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