I have demons in me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All I want is dick and wine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
