I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
