Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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