i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
