i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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