I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
