I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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