do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
