I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
