Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
