i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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