I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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