My first STD was from a foam party
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Boobs are out for the taking
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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