You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
