And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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