It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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