no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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