wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
