he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
