I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
