Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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