I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
