you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize