I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You smell like stripper and shame
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
