i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
