I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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