Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
