You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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