Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
