I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
