I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
