dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
