Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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