If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two words: blizzard sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
