Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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