Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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