She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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