i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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