like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
