i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
