Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
