do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
