i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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