We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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