I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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