saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love you.
Bad choice
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