Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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