also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
