Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
