he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
