You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
