So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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