Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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