My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
